Distancing Friendships- BFF?

When I was at school a teacher once said. 'When you leave school your friendship group will immediately be cut in half and the older you get the numbers will continue to dwindle.' I thought, yeah right, what do you know...

During the course of growing up, we are faced with many challenges and changes in life such as parents divorcing and break ups. For the most part society and media report these moments. They help provide an idea in our heads as to what's an acceptable reaction when something like that happens. Whether it is to rebel or stay silent, it's pretty heavily documented in TV shows or films. What isn't so heavily documented is what to do when you've parted ways with a dear friend or friends? Now when your younger and in school if you have a falling out with a friend, there's usually a mutual awareness that something has happened and either you make up or move on. This is easier and the process is a lot quicker when in school because you see the person everyday so things either evolve or erupt quicker. But what do you do when your older and seem to just grow apart?

After school when you leave and all go separate ways it seems like a natural progression and one which you are prepared for so distancing friendships are part of the parcel. However, when you are adults you don't see it coming until you realise it all of a sudden, and then it can hurt more. You realise that even with all the social media and constant updates you haven't actually spoken to that person in a long time. In your twenties when you are starting to pave the way for your future and start making life decisions, things like jobs, partners and travel can get in the way. You grow up, and its only natural to feel like a completely different person. I feel like I have changed so much, even from when I started university let alone school.

I believe that certain people come into your life for just a little while, they make their impact and then leave again. Much like a relationship can. During this time you invest so much time into each other and help each other grow, until eventually you grow apart. In many cases there is no anger or a certain incident to blame, you just part ways. Its sad and silent. They don't recognise you any more and vice versa, it won't work if you try and act like you used to, so alas you must move on. It's natural to feel this way. And I think we all do at some point or another. Don't be afraid of it.
However, there will still be those people who even though you haven't spoken in a while, when you do it feels like you've never been away. So you talk for hours and hours. Those moments are magical and should be treasured.


  1. Oh gosh Sam, I think your blog has quickly become a must-read for me! Bookmarking it to have a proper browse this weekend - i.e. not at work ;)

    I never gave this idea much thought until I read this. One of my teachers way back in Year 11 told me the same thing during a post-school discussion and I remember being defiant in my thoughts and claims that my friendship group and I would be close forever. Five years together at school in hindsight wasn't much. Of a group of about 11 of us, only two of them could be counted as my best friends today. And strangely despite the fact we're all in different career paths, now live in different towns and have completely different lives, we're closer than ever before. A combination of laughs, experiences and effort put into keeping the friendships going have given this longetivity. It's weird when you reflect on these things in your twenties. We always sit and wonder what went wrong with our other friends. It is sad and silent. But they'll always quietly be there as an acquaintance with a wealth of memories that can be pulled out for a quick reminisce. This post has completely made me realise how much I value my friends. x

    1. Wow Michelle, thank you so much, your comment has made my day! I wrote this post thinking I could not be the only one who feels this way about distancing friendships it must be a universal thing. I thought to myself if one person can relate to this I'll know it was worthwhile, so thank you! I feel there's nothing better for the soul than meeting friends (old and new) and laughing and reminiscing. I love meeting old school friends and just laughing about how 'cool' we used to think we were. There's so much literature about keeping relationships going that there's not much emphasis on friendships, we need to make time to work on those too. xx


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